I've been having trouble sleeping for some reason. When I finally do fall asleep, I've found a good routine for the evening that helps me not have horrific nightmares and shit, but I still have trouble falling asleep sometimes.
A lot of people are really worried that I take my medication, out of concern for me! I want to explain as thoroughly and calmly as I can, that anyone who knows me, or even of me, to the point that it's any of their business, can feel free to contact me how they'd like and calmly, respectfully outline their concerns, on the only contingency that they listen to mine in kind.
I've been trying to take a more middle-of-the-road approach to what's all going on these days for a while now. I looked around and realized I was gonna have to actually live through this shit, tried to figure out what I really cared about anyway, realized I should probably do something, then realized I was still gonna have to actually live through this shit either way. It had never occurred to me that someone could have a spiritual crisis that couldn't be addressed without talking about spirituality at all, figured I was just crazy, I mean, that's the leftie in me. I honestly don't know how or why this happened, any of this, and it's kind of a miracle just to exist here at all. I really don't know if I believe anyone is actually born with any particular moral compass. Kinda weird shit, man. Trying to think about how to treat others how I want to be treated is actually kind of a deep concept to think about. My parents did try to line me out with some kind of important shit to know about, anyway.
I was thinking about shit people might even like to read in some guy's personal blog too, if anyone were reading it, and I realized I do have some things to say here about even that. Y'all seem to think I'm some kind of security nut or something, I want to set some things straight here. This all kinda works that way, that I more of less have logs if you visit, ends of trails I can sleuth along however far I'm gonna, or were even able to, but you seem to think that's what computers are all about except for some guy's blog, which since it isn't a major site from a major company, can't be trusted. The truth is, that's the whole idea here, that no one runs the entire internet, not even me, not even while you're reading my blog.
Next item of business probably, women, that's like a class of people, there's only one for me, the only one she ever is, some chick, I dunno, she got some problems I would imagine, unless she's Jesus Christ herself and we all had some misconceptions about something here. I dunno if I know her yet. Might be nice to sort that all out, but I can't be too pushy about all that, so, after I signal my virtues here for a moment and proudly show off my tiny ego at her I have to just take the rest in stride as to her preferences about whatever, hope to hear from her whenever it works out, all that kinda nonsense at the bottom of everyone's hopes and dreams and bullshit, let's be honest. I guess I really did always just dream of changing poopy diapers and stuff and somehow I didn't realize it, seems confusing still actually, I dunno what's going on here.
Next up, death. Yeah, you gonna die, honky. I hope you live as well as you can, for as long as you can, until then, as long as it doesn't interfere with my hopes and dreams regarding the very same for myself. I have some thoughts about that too, trying to figure out how to say that without bragging, or giving away too much about the more-or-less proven methodology for killing any grown man in one punch... if you can figure out the other details, so lemme explain, my take on martial arts kinda here, to this point. For your training, I recommend you find your biggest, rowdiest frenemy who annoys you the absolute most out of all of them, go have an adventure trying not to get into fights. It will teach you patience, then you come back here and I'll see what else I got to tell you maybe. The first thing you want to know, is how to fall down without getting hurt. Try to minimize arguing most especially if there are guns in the mix, that screws up the other shit. If you find yourself falling down for some reason, you want to practice and consciously be aware, even practice falling down as much as you can, as SAFELY as you can, to think of your head. Don't think with your head, that's not instinct for split second occasions, think OF YOUR HEAD AND NECK. Your head and neck are the primary shit you wanna worry about if you don't have a moment's notice. Tuck your chin down. Guard your head!!! If you find yourself inexplicably hurtling forward off a motorcycle for some reason, there are a few precautions to take beforehand. Helmets are good. Helmets are smart. You also want to tuck your chin down, and practice somersaults for a long time. You want to be able to do these forward, backward (different! turn your head a bit! remember your neck! knees over the shoulder!!! PLEASE be EXTREMELY careful!!! if you do not understand what I am saying... DO NOT ATTEMPT A BACKWARDS SOMERSAULT. THIS IS AN ACTUAL FUCKING WARNING. UNLESS YOU WANT TO KILL ME) and very fast, from different heights, etc, very, VERY carefully. If you do have to hit the ground pretty hard, there's some kinda martial arts noise people make, you can pick a cool one. I like HOZHOOOOO! You might want to practice shouting this, as loudly as you can. You can do a completely silent one too for some reason, but it's not scary to your enemies and it does not alert your allies to your distress! Why do this? Tenses up your guts and shit a little, might help your spleen not pop, shit like that. You also want to smack the ground with your arms in some situations, falling backwards especially... Try to plan ahead about which bones you don't want broken the most, shit like that!
Show mercy whenever your life does not depend on killing your enemy. The more people like you for showing mercy, the more they will respect you, etc. Your enemy honestly isn't your enemy. What your enemy thinks about you is your problem.
I can't think of anything else to blog about.
The Good Old Days
Aside from trying to prove the true age of the world from one viewpoint or another, at least the age of writing itself is more or less agreed upon by most people. At a very outside guess of about 7,000 years, and the average number of years between generations of human beings being about 20 years, that's about 5 generations per century, times 70 centuries... puts us at about 350 generations of human beings in recorded history. From what I know about how the world looked to my parents' generation, it seems pretty amazing to think about how quickly this all happened and how suddenly we ended up here at this point in time on the world.
It's a little weird to think about how stuff ended up happening how it did, as I saw it happening over the years, and to wonder about what's even going on anywhere that I can't see it. I really have little to no idea what's going on even in the room behind me. I can only assume my cats are eating the bread again, just because I know what kinds of things they end up doing usually.
I turned around to check, and I was wrong about even that. They're behaving themselves quite well at the moment.
I got this website name at least a decade ago, there's kind of a story behind that. I've been through so many hypotheses about how these things work, assuming people noticed I have a blog, then finding they say no, no one noticed I have a blog, then seeing weird connections in things, especially online... I guess a lot of that has to do with automation algorithms and stuff. Someone said to me recently, that he had noticed people seem to act differently depending on whether something seems to be automated or operated by a human being... kind of interesting to think about the psychology of that.
It's so weird to think about what interest a person, or even an algorithm, might have in what, and why. I got this website name as a gift, in a community that was mostly online... kind of an early social media network. Small groups of humans would have historically decided how things should work in their group, and why, all throughout human history. It's so weird to think about how things can change this much within 20 years. We were a small network of kids, kinda slow to figure out what was going on in the world, in some ways, maybe... it's unclear who started that network even, or what we were doing exactly... but definitely some kind of social media.
I showed up to that group well after things were underway, and the people who had started the network had actually already left, at least for the most part, before I even became a member. It was all started by kids, as far as I know, who would mostly graduate high school eventually, and go on with their lives, etc. We actually really more or less didn't know how it happened, which was kind of weird to think about.
As things continued on, we made certain network policy decisions, for how things should be run, and so forth... It was such an amazing thing to be a part of.
Outta Control and Blind as a Bat - Dead in the Water
STAR TREK IV: The Voyage Home - IT'S SO GOOD!!!
Is that in the Galaxy Quest universe or is that upside-down? Such an ouroboros!!!
ТОПУ НАШК: Topu Nashk - Proskateur 3!!!
by mne is - a - skateboard! padded all over, be EXTREMELY safe!!!
The metaphor - a track - along consensus reality. Why are you here?
be EXTREMELY safe!!!
I woke up this morning feeling a little better than yesterday. One of the first things I did was hop on here and check the upload strength again... still around 0... Then I found a video about diplomacy, which I found really interesting. Good tips in there.
In those Terminator movies I find it really interesting that Arnold plays two different cyborgs that just happen to be the same model, with complete opposite agendas. I am really starting to think that the programs vs. users model wouldn't work at all even if the system were simplified all the way!
I often feel like the Microsoft dancing paperclip, just trying to hold my own stuff together here at all, relegated to sit in the corner at the bottom... like I'm supposed to help people but if I even show my face everyone gets pissed off! Then if I get bent out of shape I won't be any use to anyone...
In the future, you have my word I will redouble my efforts not to change the subject directly to the bush we're all beating around too hard.
The Big Question
There are always so many things going on, even in the small corner of reality of my own personal melodrama. Zoom out a tiny bit and there are thousands of me very nearby, wondering the same kinds of things, able to even shout loud enough to say hello to each other, etc.
A little further out we can see Afghanistan. What a horrible mess... Tragic, truly. I've known a person or two from that area of the world, the first to explain how grateful they are to be Americans here. We have had such an uproar about the latest things in the news for so many days in a row now.
Solving problems is so incredibly difficult. I have been trying how I can, reaching too far sometimes, and sometimes just running out of energy completely. All I can ever do is make the next choice right in front of me.
Humanity has been a colossal marvel of group effort. A wolf alone is better equipped to deal with reality by any sensible measure. A sheep alone needs to find its way back first and foremost... A human being is neither, alone or not... Certainly beyond my understanding.
In the beginning was logic. A pure, endless sea, formless, like a blank slate, all of the possible logic stretched on forever.
Love was a tiny quirk. Like a tiny machine, a CPU operating on the blank slate of all logic, it began to crunch the numbers.
One day the Almighty passed by and logic reared up to take a mean bite out of Him.
He escaped without even a scratch, the bite evaporating to one part out of everything that ever existed or will... lost in it all where no one would ever be able to find it.
I happened to read my horoscope just now. It said something about focusing on my own happiness, like I'm always too worried about someone else being happy, never focusing on myself. Sounds like bullshit to me, honestly. When have I been concerned with someone else's happiness?
What would I want, anyway? How could I ever truly be happy? I've been thinking a lot about the time I was most in love. What all went wrong there... What happened, some things happened, things that just ended up being done. I feel like I would be happy like that though, if it went correctly. For some reason, and I'm not sure why I believe that, but I feel like I could be happy that way...
If I were concerned with her happiness.
People do tend to twist words, don't they? Maybe someday everyone does understand what they are supposed to.